For reasons that I shall keep private (cleanse! cleanse! cleanse!), I was losing weight last week (cleanse! cleanse! cleanse!).  I decided one morning that I should weigh myself to see how much weight I had lost.  I hadn’t weighed myself beforehand (before the cleanse) because I was afraid of what I’d see in the numbers.  I knew that I had been doing too much snacking; binging on sugar and carbs without nearly enough movement to compensate. 

The Mister had changed the batteries in the scale the night before as per my request, so I knew the scale was ready for me.  I stood on the scale…

HORROR!!

82 kilos!!

82 kilos??

What?  82 kilos?  What is 82 kilos? 

I ran to my room and used the calculator on my cell phone…  82 x 2.2 =  180 pounds!  What?? 

I started hyperventilating.  And then I started going through the classic stages:

• dismay:   what?  How could this be?
• disbelief: there is no way that I could weigh that much.  I never weighed that much 9 months pregnant!
• questioning: I have been eating a lot lately, but have I been eating that much?  Am I really 40 pounds heavier now than I was last summer?
• resignation: I did eat a lot of those tubes of soft chocolate. How easy they went down into my tummy.  I didn’t even have to chew!  Oh, Chixo, you are my demise!  And toffees… at night.. while I was reading (but we don’t talk about that.  Cleanse!)

I moped around the house for some time and finally came clean with The Mister.  “I weigh 180 pounds!”  He didn’t believe me either!  So he went to the bathroom to investigate for himself.  Smirking as he emerged, he said, “The scale is WAY off.”  What a relief.  Too bad I was on the cleanseprivate thing because I would have totally eaten a Chixo. 

On Thursday afternoon, I was getting ready for my regular Thursday evening excursion.  Turning from side to side, I admired my frame and boasted, “I look really hot for 180 pounds!”