Water Slide Assault

As soon as we arrived in the land of Dub, we were bombarded with advertisements for various attractions. Trusting my screaming instincts that were hinting to me not-so-subtly that any or all of the attractions would be horribly expensive, I immediately went on the hunt for coupons. My first stop was Groupon. I  had such great experiences in the past finding great deals for things in the motherland, and I knew that the site was ever-expanding internationally. Sure enough, there is a section for the Dub. Who knew? I did. That’s who. Unfortunately, the place that I was particularly interested in was not featured that day as a Groupon save, so I revved up the Google to see what taking it for a spin would scrounge up. And guess what? There are Entertainer books for the Dub – and other surrounding areas like Qatar-Abu Dhabi – Bahrain – in case any of my readership cares. For what seems like a steep buy-in price ($100) we have two gloriously large and heavy books that I get to lug around town all the live-long day, just in case we encounter the need for a deal. Within the first day, we had saved ourselves and our friends (cuz we share!! our coupons!  How great are we?  So great!) $60 on dinner! Since then, we’ve just been saving and 2-for-1’ing our way through the malls, without shame.

One outing that we took the kids on was to a kitschy waterslide park. The day was lean for clientelle, and their dollar intake was even leaner when we and our friends (again, with our sharing!) whipped out our 2 for 1’s. In fact, the deal was so great for our friends that their daughter got in for free due to her teeny weeny age, so they essentially entered the park 3 for 1!

With no lines to speak of, our day was filled with running up the stairs multiple upon multiple upon time again, in order to willingly hurl ourselves into a pool of water. The Mister and I were delighted to realize that we had graduated to the stage of parenting where all (2) of our kids have graduated to being able to ride all the rides. Charlie can tell time on his waterproof watch, so we set them free in the park with a pre-arranged meet-up time, shouting “Look out for each other!” as they ran with arms raised high and screaming with glee towards the rides. At one point, I caught up to Lola, and heard the operator of the ride say, “Okay, Lola!  Your turn!” Seems that Lola was a regular.

When we knew that the kids were more than okay in taking care of themselves, The Mister and I dared each other to take on the most sinister slide in the park. It was one of those sheer drop off waterslides that I knew (in the underdeveloped logical side of my brain) was a bad idea but I just had to do, or “I haven’t lived!!”  (When people ask me where Lola gets her crazy sense of adventure from, I just cock my head to the side, scrunch up my nose and scratch my head. It’s a mystery!) We walked up, up, up, up, up the stairs to the very top, and before anyone else had a chance, I hopped into the slide, and prepared myself for the fall. Arms crossed. Legs crossed.

Keep them crossed! I was admonished.

And then the harrowing…. “Goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” as I was pushed off the edge.

It all started out good, as far as I could tell with my eyes clenched shut. But then I felt my body leaving the water slide. I was no longer touching anything. Essentially, I was in a free fall, hurtling towards earth. My legs shot out from the crossed position, trying to get traction on anything, and I could hear my inner self – the inner voice of my previous post – yelling, “Close your legs!!!” at the top of her articulate lungs. I got my wits about me just in time, but I still think that the water slide and I became intimate. In an unfortunate way. Like an unfortunate back door kind of way. Let’s just leave it at that.

Later that night, as I felt the effects of a head cold coming on, I wondered if I was also feeling flu-like symptoms in my calf.


That isn’t a cold symptom.

6 thoughts on “Water Slide Assault

  1. Sonya says:

    Ouch! You crazy woman. Try putting some witch hazel on that bruise. That should speed the healing. And stay away from insane water slides!

  2. Michelle says:

    That’s an awesome war wound of adventure!! I hope it heals quickly but what a great story!! I hope the waterslide isn’t missing your intimate times 🙂

  3. Rachel says:

    Oh golly…that’s a big one!

  4. H says:

    Crazy White Woman: 0


  5. Di says:

    “…an unfortunate back door kind of way.” Oh White Girl – nothing but love coming your way.

  6. fiona says:

    Do you even remember what happened to give you that bruise, or were you too traumatized from the “back door” assault? Oh, and my hands went clammy when I read, “But then I felt my body leaving the water slide. I was no longer touching anything.” Eeek! My inner voice would’ve been saying things that would require bleeeeeeeps!

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