Almost a year without a post.
There was a point when I thought I’d hold out for the actual year mark before posting again to prove some sort of point, but there really isn’t, nor has there been, a point to my silence. I’ve been going through a crisis, of sorts, trying to figure out what this blog means to me now that I’m not in the less-shiny desert. I haven’t taken to my new home with as much fervor or ease as I had previously. Transitions are difficult in the best of times, but can be especially challenging when they aren’t a transition of your choosing. I don’t like to be told what to do; my rebelliousness rapidly surfaces and I find myself doing things that I hadn’t really considered doing before but simply jump in because I was told no. For instance, when I was pregnant with Charlie, my doctor told me that I should cut back on the salt because I was starting to retain water. Before she said this, not a thought about salty food was crossing my mind. As soon as the restriction passed her lips, if there had been a salt shaker on her desk I would have smashed it back faster than a college kid with Red Bull. In our move to the Dub, it wasn’t something that I had been looking forward to, anticipating or planning for. I had to move because it wasn’t safe to live in the unshiny desert any longer. Of the entire family, I am the one that has been struggling with our new home the most, and in my struggle, I found it difficult to muster up any sort of inspiration for writing.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I have begun to embrace this change and accept this new chapter in life for what it is. Rather than trying to recreate what I had built in my previous home, I’ll create a new, just as dynamic reality in this new place. Perhaps in the midst of that, I’ll find an equally fulfilling purpose. Or maybe, I’ll find meaning and fulfillment in the purpose that I already have presented to and surrounding me. Charlie and Lola have really flourished here. The opportunities afforded to them in the Dub are numerous; wide as the imagination. Art classes? Sure! Martial Arts? Why not! Ballet or acting? Check and check. Friends? Every shape, size and flavour! Safe to tool around on the streets with pals, building fires in the sand dunes? For certain! While I’m not necessarily thriving, I can’t deny the fact that this move was great for the children and certainly good for The Mister’s career.
As my acceptance has settled in, my inspiration has begun to percolate. Bubbling up inside of me, I can feel the words begin to form into cohesive sentences, structured thoughts, inspired quips. I have felt the desire grow until I could no longer hold my fingers back from typing. The tick-tacking of the keys is cracking through the old, crusty layer of resentment to expose the layer of creativity that has been dormant for too long.
To quote a muppet, “I told you I’d be back because I am….. BAAAAAACK.”